i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
