the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
