Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
