sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
