Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so explain again why im purple
no
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
