I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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