if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
