I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
