Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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