I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
