I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
