it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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