I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
