she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
