he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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