Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
