Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
