I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
