She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
