well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I checked into jail on foursquare
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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