One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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