There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
