I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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