i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
