Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
