he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
