Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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