There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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