saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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