Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
