I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bring me that man meat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
