I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
