he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
