At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
