Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
