How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
