The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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