Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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