Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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