Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
