I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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