I love black thongs
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
