So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
