Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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