I think I am morally bankrupt
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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