i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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