so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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