ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
