I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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