6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
