he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
