No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
