Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
