I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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