It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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