Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
